Heavy and Happy

Heavy and Happy

Being heavier than most of my friends has never been fun. The earliest I started paying attention to a scale was twelve years old, not that it did me much good as the numbers increased significantly over the years.

I feel like I’ve been trying to lose weight my whole life. Sometimes I’m successful and the other 99% of the time I hate myself.

The fact of the matter is, it’s just as miserable trying to lose weight as it is to gain weight. The only bright side is when you finally do see the pounds off but it’s only for as long as you can maintain a strict lifestyle.

Why am I saying all of this, sounding like such a Debbie Downer? It’s not out of self-pity (okay, maybe a little) and it’s not a cry for sympathy. The point is, you can’t be happy and heavy at the same time.

Before I lose you, let me clarify what you can be:

Heavy and content.

Heavy and joyful.

Heavy and thriving.

You see, being happy is an emotion only dependent on outside circumstances. If I have a good job, if I’m with the love of my life, if I look good, then I’ll be happy. As soon as our outside circumstances are negative or if they don’t go as planned, then it’s harder to be happy.

But being content is about being at peace in the moment. It means loving yourself if you’re 10 pounds overweight or 100. Losing 20, 30, 40 pounds will never be enough. Learn to celebrate your imperfections now, knowing that you will always have something you want to change. The reality is, a mess of even more flaws is heading our way. It’s called getting older.

Being joyful is a heart condition. You can change the outside all you want, but the real change in your life comes from a change of heart. Jesus warns those of us who are focused on cleaning the outside of the cup while the inside is still full of junk (Luke 11:39). Our relationship with God and with people defines us more than the numbers on the scale.

Finally, you can still thrive as a plus-sized individual. Don’t let the negative perspective on double chins, belly rolls, and love handles determine what you can and cannot do or what you can and cannot have. You can still find a significant other who thinks you’re sexy, you can still be successful in your pursuits, and you can still be used by God.

Am I saying you should give up on trying to obtain that beach body? Or reach your goal weight? No, because I’m not going to give up. We should always strive to be healthier because we’re God’s temple and we want to serve Him to the best of our ability.

Remember what’s important, don’t be ruled by the fat stigma or the scale digits, and don’t let the doubts about your value steal what’s true. God’s mirror reflects His perfect child. His love is the reason we have an identity in the first place, and we have enough of the world against us to turn on ourselves too.

Join me as I look in the mirror and step on the scale remembering:

To celebrate the parts of my body I wish were different.

To clean the nasty parts of my heart.

To never give up on my goals.

So go out, my friends, live life and let the weight just be something you carry along for the ride.

God bless!
-LJM

I AM Enough

I AM Enough

By Leah Jordan Meahl

 

Life is wavering water,

Uncontrolled is how she behaves,

But I AM enough.

 

Endlessly moving,

Yet forever enslaved,

Life is wavering water

 

Though the raging sea may capture,

And send treasures to their graves,

I AM enough.

 

In anger she devours,

But for the thirsty, she saves,

Life is wavering water

 

The horizon beckons her dangerous journey,

And if you can’t be brave,

I AM enough.

 

Rolls began as ripples,

They’re moments I forgave.

Life is wavering water,

But I AM enough.

 

-LJM

Psalm 16:5-11

Post Grad Life: The Selfish Six

Post Grad Life: The Selfish Six

Six months. I’ve been out of school for six months. It’s hard to believe that life in school is now a memory and I can actually use the phrase “when I was in college.”

Anyway, my first six months have been successful in my book because I have 2 part-time jobs, a consistent writing schedule, and several exciting opportunities on the horizon.

So, why is it when someone asks me, “how’s post-grad life?” I roll my eyes and groan like it’s been torture?

I covered that feeling in my last ‘post-grad’ blog here, and it’s still a work in progress. Millennials call it ‘Adulting.’ The word itself shows just how difficult it is for our kind to cross over to the adult side of life.

I promise for those of you who are concerned, it has been a great six months! That being said, here is something that has been on my mind in regard to my life right now.

From the moment I graduated, I have become increasingly selfish. It’s not a strange concept, we all deal with it, but I have definitely noticed it more now. The world has trained us in the way we should go after college: apartment, marriage, grad school, job in your field, etc. Taking all these things into account, I’m justified to make life all about me.

Right?

When will I be able to move into an apartment? Am I putting enough money away for student loans? What can I do to enjoy my life while I’m single?

These are just some of the topics that go through my mind every day. I know that we have to make decisions in our life to help move it forward. But there comes a point when post-college life is wrapped up in everything I want and everything I need. As a result, do you know what falls through the cracks?

My relationship with God.

I say that God has a plan for me, that He will direct my steps, but once I graduated, I hit the ground running, scurrying around trying not to lose my mind in reality. Suddenly, the race started, and I must run like the wind to feel like I am doing something worth reporting to the world.

As much as I trust God with the path of my life, I am far too obsessed with trying to make it a good one for me. I should be more concerned with everything that God wants for me and everything God needs me to do while I’m here on this earth. That’s easier said than done, but I need to be reminded of that fact constantly or else I will never be satisfied with what I can get out of life.

Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. ∼Ephesians 4:1

More than likely, God is going to completely change the direction of my path, which is scary. And He is going to make things happen according to His timing, which is frustrating.

What I would like to encourage is that you “post-gradders” keep God first. Jesus is the most important aspect of our lives and what’s great is that he covers all the other aspects.

What I love about Him is that He is my Chief Constant. No matter what changes in my life (school, job, relationship, home), Jesus is by my side.
Because He’s there, I need to treat Him like He is all those things to me.

Make Him first.

Keep Him first.

And the best is yet to come.

God Bless!

-LJM

 

Quicksand

Quicksand

A warning:

 

A castle made out of sand,

With a moat surrounding,

Is only a majestic imitation.

 

When you’re wandering lost,

Alone and afraid,

You never see a mirage of sand.

 

The desert grains outnumber the water,

Its dunes tower over the sea,

But it’s so easily pulled into the deep

 

A chalice of glass,

Birthed from fire’s caress,

Only returns to shattered pieces.

 

Do you not realize

The pyramids were not made

From the ground on which they sit?

 

Or don’t you know

The tide

Will always claw at the beaches?

 

And ordinary fingers

Sculpt slow

But swiftly destroy?

 

How then can we treasure

The dry course river,

Or trust the sands that slip through the hourglass?

 

They will forever betray.

 

-LJM

Matthew 7:24-27

 

Unquenched

Unquenched

Love is

Drinking water from the mouth of Hades.

A liquid flaming gold,

Scooped from the river of fire itself.

¯

The lava leaves burning scars on my lips,

My soul is but melted rock,

Indistinguishable.

My insides boil,

Bubbling red until

The heat, no longer contained

Erupts.

¯

Molten tears race down my skin,

It’s Pompeii come to devastate again.

¯

And when the tears cool,

And the glow hardens to rock,

A blanket of ash lays me down to sleep.

For awhile, all is calm,

¯

Until I thirst again…

Starlit Path

Starlit Path

by Leah Jordan Meahl

 

He told me:

“I am the moon.

 If you want to make footprints on my surface or bathe in my radiance,

First follow the starry path I’ve laid out

For you.”

 

They fell before me, marking the way.

On each one I stepped,

Leaping and landing on the sparklers that tickled the soles of my feet.

 A sea of galaxies lie between us,

If I had to fashion my own surfboard constellation, I would

Ride the galactic waters to reach him.

 

Ahead, a star fizzled, hissed, dissipated,

A stepping stone out of formation.

Another, burst in excitement,

And again, a star is cut free from its hanging,

It falls, the tail taking me with it.

A detour dragging me further from him.

 

I held on, even enjoyed the ride,

But the star, its life exhausted,

Evaporated like the rest.

The sun now disguised the stars,

I waited. I searched the skies

For the hopeful flecks to find me.

 

My bright stepping stones returned

Awaiting me to walk on their backs again.

The final star marked the finish line

In front of majestic moon, I bowed.

“You made it” he said.

My feet touched the quartz world

We danced, kicking up hordes of moon crystals.

 

“The journey was hard with mischievous stars,” I said

He told me:

“Though obstacles themselves, they still shine the way,

And to touch the mere fringe of my luminous being is

Worth it. Now with me, you’ll stay.”

 

-LJM

Matthew 7:13-14

Dear Special Guy…

Dear Special Guy…

Dear Special Guy,

Congratulations, you have caught my attention. I guess that’s not really difficult to do, but here we are. From the moment you smiled during our first conversation, I knew I wanted to be good friends with you and hopeful something more down the line. Well, we’re down the line now, and I’ve come to realize that you probably don’t feel the same way.

That’s okay, Guy, it’s not your fault. But I thought I’d get some things off my chest anyway.

First of all, you are amazing. Your kind heart shines about as much as your smile when you walk into a room. Your talent drops my jaw, your words make me laugh, and your presence brings warmth to my cheeks. I’m giddy when we get to spend time together or when I see your name pop up on my phone.

Guy, if you’ll let me be honest, I’ve thought about what my life would look like with you. I hope that’s not creepy, but I’m sorry, it’s what we girls do. It’s so easy for us to get attached to a relationship that doesn’t even exist. Which is what brings me to the point of this letter.

You see, Guy, you have become an idol in my life. That’s another thing we humans tend to let happen. A flower bloomed in the soil of my affection. It’s pretty and lovely, but it’s not healthy. Don’t worry, it’s not because of anything you did. My thoughts watered it and helped it grow. Now that I know you’ll probably never reciprocate, I’m having a tough time letting that flower die.

But that flower is just another reminder of what special guys like you do for me. You remind me of my need for an earthly love. You give me the possibility that one day I can have a future with a man by my side. You instill in me hope that there are good guys out there who can provide me with a friend, a spiritual leader, and one day a husband. It may not be with you, but it just means that we weren’t meant to be together.

Through this mess of feelings, you’ve taught me that love shouldn’t try to force two pieces together that don’t match. Love doesn’t mean being consumed with the idea of a potential relationship.

bleedingheart
Song of Solomon 3:4

Instead, love means waiting. Love drives my prayers for the man that will walk into my life in God’s timing. The sooner I learn this lesson, hopefully the less heartbreak I’ll feel the next time someone like you comes around.

 

Don’t get me wrong, you truly are a special guy. You deserve to have girls fawning over you like they do. And one day, you’re going to make a special girl really happy. So, thank you, Guy, for what you’ve taught me through this experience, even though you may never fully know it.

For now, my prayer is to be able to uproot this flower and plant it elsewhere to serve as a reminder not to let my dreams and affections take away from God’s real love and the true love He has waiting for me.

It’s not easy. In fact, it’s one of the most emotionally taxing things that I experience all too often. But it’s okay, don’t feel sorry for me. One day, I won’t have to uproot that flower, and I can let it grow into a garden.

One day.

With love,

LJM