Fat Free Friday: Pep in My Step-Counter

I try to be realistic about exercise. I’m not sure I’ll ever have a life where working-out is part of the norm, but I do need to incorporate more activity into my daily routine.

Instead of letting another gym membership fall by the wayside of my bank account, I’m starting to commit to some baby steps.

On the weekends, I started finding different places to take walks. It’s been good for me to get out of the house as well, so two birds, one stone. I’ve also managed to do a couple light work-outs at home. I’ll take what I can.

I downloaded a step-counter on my phone to remind me of my stagnation. Every day, the counter tells me how many steps I took the day before. What I’ve noticed besides “not enough steps” is that the numbers are always different.

That little fact reminds me that every day will be different. Results may vary. Take those results and find the strength to keep moving forward the next day.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:34 (NIV)

I also think this verse includes worrying about yesterday. I keep thinking of a time when I was 50lbs lighter. Do you know what I was doing then? Still trying to lose weight, still not feeling like I was in a good place, still trying to exercise more.

Oh, how little and yet how much can change over time!

My focus and my joy should come from–well, God’s love and faithfulness first and foremost, but in addition, it should come from knowing that I’m trying to do right by my health.

I’m only limited by today’s choices. So, today, I’m going to walk a few extra steps, go to the movies without having butter on my popcorn, and remember that I don’t need to focus on tomorrow’s result.

Just today’s.

Fat Free Friday: The Power of Routine

I took a break for a couple weeks because I didn’t have much progress to report. A couple pounds up then a couple pounds down and so forth. For the first time, I feel like my body has given up on the idea of losing weight before my will power has.

As I seek to figure out why that is, I’m currently confronting one of my strongest enemies. Routine.

Routines can make or break you.

For me, this is what a perfect routine would look like. I’d wake up before the sun and go out for a run (or let’s be honest, a fast walk). I’d return to a cup of coffee and enough time to read my Bible while I drink it. After work, I’d cook a healthy dinner. Once I took care of some things around the house, I’d sit in my office and get some creative writing done. Then I’d cap off the day with some more time with God just before I go to bed.

I’m not going to tell you what my actual routine is, but let’s just say, it’s not all that.

I think of a dialogue in one of the Pirates of the Caribbean films.

Elizabeth: “…and there will come a moment for you [to do the right thing].”

Jack: “I love those moments…I like to wave at them as they pass by.”

That’s what I’m doing. At this season of life, God has blessed me with time to myself that I could be using for good habits and healthy choices, yet every day, I wave as it passes me by.

I say this a lot, but I know it has to change. Never in my life have I found it so difficult to actually enforce that change though. Hopefully, recognizing it is the first step.

The next step is to make a list, set alarms, delete apps, and do whatever it takes to reshape my routine.

I’d love to know what your perfect routine would look like if you haven’t already mastered it. Maybe you think that the perfect routine doesn’t even exist. Let me know in the comments.

Fat Free Friday: Am I Screwed?

I’m up three pounds. Cue the expletives!

I wish I could end my post there. Why? Because what else is there to say? I got cocky, I made fewer good decisions, and now I’m embarrassed. Whose idea was it to bring you in the loop, again?

To be honest, this is kind of normal for me. I work hard for about a month, month and a half, then I run out of steam. I get discouraged about the results I’m not seeing and then I return to my normal bad habits. They’re slipping in here and there.

“Why don’t you have mac and cheese for lunch? You barely eat it anymore.”

“You can have a little snack tonight, you only had soup for dinner.”

And so on and so forth.

Remember how we find the good? The good is, at least it’s not six pounds, which would cancel any kind of progress I’ve made.

But if I don’t do better, it’ll be six pounds in no time. And we’re heading into the worst time of the year to try and lose weight. With Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas coming down the pike, I might as well be screwed.

If you have any suggestions for eating around the holidays, I’ll happily take them in the comments.

My goal now is to find my motivation to keep going and to survive the holidays with minimal casualties.

As I am typing this, I realize that the underlying issue is in my heart. I fall back on my bad habits because they’re comforting, that is, until I see the scale the next morning. Instead of going to God with my discouragement and mistakes, I give up momentarily.

I need to turn to God in order to keep me going. As my spirit and motivation wanes, I need His strength to keep me on track.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (ESV)

Let me just start heading in a better direction with a simple prayer:

“Heavenly Father, forgive me for seeking comfort outside of your love and your grace. I need you to help me persevere, so that I can give you glory through my journey rather than wallow in defeat. Thank you for being with me both in trials and in victory. Amen.”

With that, I may be able to try another week.

Fat Free Friday: Five

That’s right, five pounds down…consistently this time.

Last week, I told you I would incorporate a new strategy. Well, the only thing new that happened is that I got a promotion which caused my hours to change. The result, however, is that I’m so busy I don’t spend as much time on lunch.

My promotion is cause for celebration, which just happens to be one of my often used excuses for indulging in all the good food. My other excuses include: I’m bored, I’m lonely, and I don’t care. I’m happy to say, I didn’t indulge. My family went out to eat, and I got a salad.

Also, my first day in the new position felt like a good day to get Chick-fil-A. It’s God’s chicken after all. But instead of ordering my usual, four count strips with a medium fry, I ordered grilled nuggets and a cup of fruit. That may sound depressing, but it actually left me feeling good rather than guilty.

In the spirit of honesty though, I did also eat a donut this week. Not all decisions were winners.

My point is, I’m learning to adapt to eating a little different. Restaurants and fast food chains used to obliterate any kind of diet journey, and I had to shrug it off as a cheat day. That cheat day would snowball into a cheat week, and well…you get the picture.

Though I’ve been making good decisions, I haven’t been as strict as I need to be in order to get the weight off. I also haven’t made an ounce of effort to exercise, and I know that needs to change. I need to include those in the new strategy I promised last week in order to pick up momentum. I assure you, that’s coming.

For now, I’m thankful for my five, and I pray they stay away so I can reach my ten.

See you next Friday!

Fat Free Friday: One Joyful Day

For one day, I rejoiced in the fact that I had lost 6.5 lbs.

Then it was over.

It might have been a fluke, but for that one day, I was on top of the world. I don’t know what it is about losing five or more pounds, but it makes me feel invincible. Like the next ten pounds will be a piece of cake.

They are not a piece of cake.

I know I need to try something different, because for the last six weeks, I’ve been dancing with the same four pounds and I’m ready to ditch the dancefloor.

Seeing the win slip away so fast has made this week a little harder. I haven’t felt as motivated. When that happens, I find myself not only losing what little progress I’ve made, but also getting worse.

Consistency is key here. I need to stay on the horse. I will keep making good choices and keep following the lifestyle changes, but now it’s time to incorporate new ones.

I’ve received advice telling me to weigh myself each day, so I can gauge myself and hold back more if I need to. Others have advised me not to weigh myself everyday because it’s too discouraging. What are your thoughts?

My goal is to come up with another strategy, one that challenges me, but also feels doable. I’ll let you know how that goes.

Whenever I embark on a weight loss journey, I find myself nitpicking all my habits and seeing where I fall short in every aspect of my life from biting my nails to my relationship with God. Everything goes under the microscope and I try to change it all in one fell swoop.

Don’t do that. Though I believe it’s wise to be aware of the areas in which I’m lacking, trying to change so much at one time is a recipe for disaster.

That being said, my shortcomings are a good reminder of my sinful nature. Knowing it’s so much harder to do good by my body, my relationships, and my responsibilities makes me realize how much I need to depend on God to help me change.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us…

Hebrews 12:1 (ESV)

If I can talk to myself for just a moment… “Leah, the best habit you can adopt is easing off yourself and leaning into God. Then, see what He’s gonna do.”

This is a tough journey, but I want to feel like I did the one day I was down 6.5 lbs. So, I journey on.

Cheers to getting lean while learning to lean in.

Growing Up

a poem

–

Another year gone,

A step on the ladder,

Still, I grow.

–

Terrified of thirty,

But always the actor,

Another year gone.

–

Numbers up on the scale,

My waist getting fatter,

Still, I grow.

–

Pursuing my passion,

Just dying to matter,

Another year gone.

–

Loneliness hurts like

a heart that is shattered,

Still, I grow.

–

Lost in nostalgia,

Don’t start the next chapter,

Another year gone.

–

Accept or deny,

Which one would I rather?

Another year gone,

Still, I grow.

Fat Free Friday: Finding the Good

My progress: 3.5 pounds down.

Believe me, I’m glad there’s a number this time. Unfortunately, you’d think after a month of getting focused, I’d have more to show for it. This week, however, I’ve relished each pound down and kept reminding myself what got me there.

My eating habits aren’t perfect. I don’t think they ever will be. But when I go grocery shopping, I look at ingredient lists and I buy less junk food. That’s good.

I’m not a fan of salads, but I’ve been using them for lighter lunches and quick dinners. That’s good.

I’ve found other ways to fill up on dinner without using pasta, bread, and rice. I use cauliflower rice and more veggie sides. In doing so, I’m learning not to rely on the convenience of spaghetti noodles and macaroni and cheese. That’s good.

Progress is progress, whether the numbers represent it or not. Changing your lifestyle with food is a key part of any health program. At least I’m adding tools to my belt for later.

A new step I’ve added this week is a one day fast. Ever since I was in high school, my family has used fasting to deepen our spiritual walk with God. We’ll go without solid food for a set amount of time, and we use the extra time to pray and read our Bibles. Nothing refocuses us more than denying our body. It takes just a little more strength and dependence on God to see us through.

I know what I’m capable of, and I don’t abstain from certain vitamins or liquids. Fasting is not just good for dropping a pound or two; it’s like a reset for my mind and my body.

The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. Psalm 118:14 (ESV)

A good choice I wasn’t so sure about was sharing my journey publicly. I like to pretend that I haven’t gained 30 pounds in the last three years or that I don’t feel anything but good about where I’ve let my body go. I also like to pretend that people don’t see the weight when they look at me. But they do.

I’m beginning to think that talking about it was a good choice though. I’ve received encouragement from strangers as well as people close to me. It puts me on the spot for a moment, but I’m touched people care enough to share their support. Thank you for that.

That’s my journey this week. I’m thankful it went pretty well.

Join me today in celebrating our good choices even if they have nothing to do with weight loss. Feel free to share those choices in the comments so I can be happy for you too.

Until next Friday!

Fat Free Friday: Back on the Horse

Welcome to Fat Free Fridays, a series I’m starting because I’m gazing at a long road of weight loss ahead of me. I figure I’d take you along for the ride, if not only to hear about my progress, but also to eat ice cream with me in spirit whether in celebration or self pity.

Let’s start with the why. I’m gaining weight at a crazy fast pace. Only a handful of the clothes in my closet fit me, and when I look at photos of myself, I sigh and think about how far I’ve fallen from the slightly less fat version of myself.

The older I get, the tougher it is to lose weight. I used to drop 5-7 pounds in the first two weeks of trying. Not so much now. I’m afraid if I can’t get a hold of the numbers now, I never will. Part of me already feels that way because I’ve been trying to lose weight since puberty and I’ve never been truly satisfied with the results.

I’m a fairly confident person. I’m pretty comfortable in my body despite the weight loss roller coaster, but I know this isn’t the weight I should be. I know I capable of having better habits. Maybe this is my way of keeping myself accountable.

Moving on to the how. A while back, I visited a holistic doctor who told me I had a “sluggish thyroid”. Nothing crazy, but I bought some supplements to help aid my digestive system. She also gave me some suggestions for my diet, which made me a little sad but gave me a little direction.

I’ve stopped cooking with pasta and rice, and I’ve bought more fresh and frozen veggies. I’m incorporating smoothies or protein shakes as a replacement meal a couple times a week. I drink a bit more water and less coffee. And I stop eating by 8pm to cut out those late night eating habits.

Not a bad start, right?

My progress: no progress.

I played tag with a pound and a half for two weeks. This is typically when I turn to the ice cream, sprinkled with chocolate chips, and drenched with hot fudge saying what’s the point?

After a few days of sulking, I got back on the horse again, which is ironic because I’m terrified of horseback riding.

The fact is I need to see results. I can’t afford to gain anymore, which means I no longer have a choice but to do better.

I’ve also been reading Lysa TerKeurst’s book, “i’ll start again monday” which is a weight loss journey through the eyes of a Christian trying to glorify God with her body. I’ve found comfort knowing that I’m not the only one who has the same thoughts, feelings, and cycle of habits. Turning this into a spiritual journey is both a new approach for me and a great reminder of the deeper reason I need to get healthier, to honor God. Her book is where I got the idea to start this series. (not an ad)

I hope you’ll come alongside me as I continue to update you on how I’m doing. I would much rather post a before and after picture, looking slim and beaming with pride, but maybe some good can come from taking you through the journey in real time.

If you have any small suggestions for “good habits,” feel free to leave a comment. Until next Friday!

The Writer’s Journey

a poem

I sit at the keys

Just unlock the ideas

Let them live

Dream and type

Backspace

Give thoughts a space

To go and thrive

Don’t leave them alone

To age and die,

They’re not good enough

They’re too shallow

What’s the big picture?

Should I start again?

This is useless

Words are faceless

But they look at me

They are silent

Still, they call out

For me to finish

The…

Greatest Hits on the Blog

In 2012, I not only started my freshman year of college, but I also started a deep and beautiful journey in my relationship with God. I leaned on Him heavily as I navigated a whole new world of friends, responsibilities, and temptations.

As I began to see God manifest in my heart in more ways than I’d ever experienced, I knew I needed to write it down. With a full journal and some cheering on, I launched this blog in 2014. Now, I’d like to share my 5 greatest hits so far.

Dear Special Guy

This letter to a former crush still gets views 5 years later. It makes sense given that it’s one of my most vulnerable posts.

Losing Weight: Body or Soul?

My most liked post as I compare two of the most difficult disciplines in my life.

Walking in the Cemetery

That time I chose to take a walk in a cemetery. It somehow still appears in search engines.

Lone Wolf

One of my best poems. I may be a little biased, but my poetry professor really loved it too.

Faith Like Captain America

In a time when I could feel the burn out from clinging to my faith, I needed this reminder.

I started this blog to share with you the ups and downs of my heart and how God continues to teach me and walk me through them. It’s given me a space to work on my craft, to process my Christian walk, and to share my creativity.

Here’s to hoping many more greatest hits are in my future!

Did you agree with these top five? If you’ve been a follower of my blog for awhile now, do you have a favorite?